I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
