Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
