she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
