you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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