And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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