From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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