what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
