If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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