Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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