I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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