I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
