those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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