Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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