last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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