so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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