Umm I'm too high to move.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
