found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
