Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My friends, they love my intelligence
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
