He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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