He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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