We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
