Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
