im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.