what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
