so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?