I saw his package. It spoke to me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo