i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
