I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection