dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused