last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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