some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
