Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize