i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
