just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's shark week go big or go home
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
