Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
