You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
