Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
3pm strippers are depressing
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
