It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
