He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
