SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
