Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
