I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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