Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
