its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
