i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
