i was born a porn star she said
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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