Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
