if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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