So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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