im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My life is pants optional.
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