I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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