at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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