so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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