drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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