these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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