i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
