I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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