rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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