Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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