I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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