so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
