I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
