wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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