You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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