if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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