i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
