i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
