i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
A+ Viking dick
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
