He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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