Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
