You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
