Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
