just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He better not be in your backpack
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
