I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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