Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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